Drowning
by TheMortalShadows
Summary: "Drowning, Quinn thought, wasn't as bad as it seemed." OC story. :)


**This is another OC story that you won't really understand if you aren't in the roleplay that JillessaHeronstairs and SilverJem5 and I are in but I'm posting it anyway. :) This was kind of requested by Jillessa, but I asked her for ideas. :) I kind of rushed on this one, so I'm worried that it's not quite up to par. Sorry if I get things wrong or if things are choppy, because this is far from my best work.**

**Quinn is mine. So is Autumn and Zander.**

**Blair is JillessaHeronstairs'**

**Since SilverJem5 doesn't really have any characters that are involved in Quinn's past, I couldn't really incorporate them, but I will in my next one since her OC's are always amazing. :)**

**~~Present day: New York~~**

Some people were born to be alone.

He didn't know why he went to the taverns every night; maybe it was for the alcohol or the girls, he wasn't sure. All he knew was that he was lonely and the idea of getting a girlfriend or even a friend sounded worse by the minute as soon as the talk of commitment came into the conversation. He liked to think that he was rather good at wooing the girls, or rather, getting them comfortable with a drink and a talk. Bragging of his good looks and offering blank compliments, he didn't mind his reputation.

In fact, he liked it.

Eyeing her from the bar, the werewolf narrowed his eyes at the young worker, who was done all up in a maid outfit with garter belts and lacy stockings and a skin tight dress that showed off more than it covered. She looked exactly like the other workers at the tavern, but they were a little less available. He didn't mind settling for her.

He'd been with worse.

There was nothing attractive about the way she was acting; she was clearly trying too hard, but he didn't really care anyway. Perhaps it was the way she always purposefully made her breath catch in her throat every time she acted surprised or the way she smirked a plastic look of arousal or the way she swayed her hips just a little too much as she walked that made her look so fake and dramatic. He didn't think of it, though. She was safe and she was _hot_.

"And your name is...?" He said, leaning towards her slightly as she started up a conversation.

She smiled, her eyes adorned with makeup. Too much. "Jessica."

He grinned, catching her by the waist and settling his hands at her hips, his eyes lowered. "Pretty name. It isn't your real one though, is it?"

"No." She said, curving an arm around his neck. "You look younger than most of the guys here."

"Is that a bad thing?" He purred, impatient. "I assure you. I'm good. You can't be much younger than I am, though. Let me guess. Eighteen?"

Laughing, she tilted her head back in mirth. "Is my age really that obvious?" She asked, a subtle smirk settling on her mouth as she narrowed her eyes coyly. "I'm assuming you're nineteen. Or twenty."

"Twenty." He said decidedly, amused. "I've seen you here before, haven't I?"

"Last week." She said, batting her eyelashes. "Don't tell me you don't remember me, Quinn."

He could play this game all day.

"Can I buy you a drink?" He asked after some small banter. _Cliche._

She glanced to him, pursing her lips in a sassy smile. "Are you my ride home again?" _Try-hard._

"I'm assuming that's a yes." _Obviously._

"You got that right, sweetheart." _Cheesy._

_"_Okay." _Awkward._

"You ready to go to my place?" _Impatience._

"Whenever you are, Jess." _Eager._

"Do you remember me yet?" _Hopefulness._

"No." _Nobody's perfect._

**~~Past Recollections: Denmark~~**

_Drowning,_ Quinn thought, _wasn't as bad as it seemed._

At first it was cold, but then he wasn't sure what he felt.

The ice he was standing on was there one moment and then it wasn't. The seraph blade he had swung had gone straight through the ice and cracked it, leaving him falling into the depths of the water. He could hear the growling of the demon above silenced by another Shadowhunter, having successfully evaded falling and ending up like him.

His eyes, he noted, stung.

The lake water was salt, though he wasn't sure why. He had always wondered why. It seemed like such a stupid thing: thinking of salt water when he was drifting closer and closer to the bottom of the lake. He moved his arms. Slowly. The lake wasn't very deep, but it was cold and it felt like he was frozen. He very slowly made the observation that his stupid wonderings and lack of perseverance were going to kill him. He could still see light at the top of the water where the cracks in the ice were.

And then he couldn't.

The shadow cast upon him, he realized, wasn't his vision failing him, but another person going towards him.

Hands pulling.

Long wet hair like seaweed in the water.

He didn't like that a girl came after him.

But he didn't feel like dying.

He just felt cold.

**~~ooo~~**

The lake incident hadn't been Quinn's fondest memory.

His friend, Zander, had slapped him cleanly and called him stupid for not putting on a thermis rune like the rest. Autumn had sighed and scolded him lightly, though she quickly let his stupidity past. His adoptive sister, who was two years Quinn's junior, had merely sighed and wished aloud that he had died.

Twelve year old's weren't supposed to wish death on people.

But Blair was different: sly, rude, sickly sweet, and deceitful. She had a way of sophistication that little kids didn't. She was a good Shadowhunter for her young age and was certain that she was going to grow up to be the best.

Quinn silently agreed.

Blair knew Quinn hadn't been especially talented.

He'd been a talker, a flirt, and a Shadowhunter, but he was only the latter thanks to his parents.

She admitted he was a decent shot when it came to arrows, and knew that he found that wielding a sword was particularly easy, but she had proven that he wasn't good enough. While he was messed and casually dressed, she was pretty and on point with her fighting and attitude; the sarcastic kindness that their parents never noticed. They never got along anyway.

She thought Quinn was...odd.

And when she finally did get mad when he reminded her that they weren't biologically related and that she had only been a nuisance, she complained, as always, earning a look of sympathy from her adoptive parents. However, when Quinn complained about her, his parents defended her though they promised to have them trained separately.

He was delighted.

**~~ooo~~**

Quinn never thought he'd go for someone like Autumn, but she was cute and intelligent.

When he finally did ask her out, they had been fifteen and fourteen at the time, hardly capable of understanding the idea of 'a crush'.

He had texted her that she was, "Pretty kind, pretty smart, pretty cute, pretty amazing, but not simply pretty."

She told him that he was, "Just hormonal."

He didn't talk to her for a month.

He would have rather died by drowning in that lake than admit he was embarrassed.

**~~ooo~~**

When he realized that his 'best' just wasn't good enough, Quinn stopped training. He kept going on hunts and took pride in his Shadowhunter status and got a girlfriend: Marissa. She was just pretty.

And clingy.

Nonetheless, they were too dense to realize the lack of chemistry between them.

He didn't notice it, but he became meaner.

Cruder.

Crueler.

He'd openly insult Zander, his best friend, because of his faerie upbringing, joking about how "Zander hid the fact that his mother had a fling with a faerie because girls are sluts". It wasn't true, but he had learned to hate Downworlders with a passion. Marissa had laughed at the seemingly innocent jokes Quinn would make about Zander's heritage. Zander did too. He hated it, though.

"I'm surprised you're not a player." Quinn joked, nudging Zander. "Your parents obviously were. I can't believe that a Shadowhunter would go for a_ faerie_."

"Yeah, yeah." Zander pushed off, obviously hurt. "I'm just not like you."

"Not like me?" Quinn raised an eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means-" Blair said, walking into the room, her hair in braids and a book in her hand, "-that you're a weirdo, Quinnzy."

Quinn scowled.

He hated nicknames.

"I'm not a player." Quinn protested, shifting when Marissa stirred, having fallen asleep with her head on his shoulder. "I'm fifteen; almost sixteen. Not a freaking 20 year old guy who gets around. That's just weird."

"I'm sure you'll learn to like it someday." Zander remarked lightly before getting up and walking away. "Have fun training."

"Bye!" Blair called after him childishly, just wanting to annoy her brother.

Thirteen year old's were like that.

**~~ooo~~**

Autumn looked kindly over at Blair when she was walking through the training room. There wasn't ever a point to being rude, as Quinn often was, and found that she didn't mind the sharpness in Blair's tone or the snottiness of her attitude. Kids had to grow into their surroundings, Autumn knew, and Blair would certainly grow into hers. They all were taught to dislike Downworlders, but Autumn couldn't see why.

She couldn't see the point in hatred.

Zander had always been kind to her though he was part faerie. She assumed she was the only to know that Downworlders were normal people too. She had met a vampire, once, who gave her a quick smile and said nice things- kind things- and had helped her with a case. It had been the time where the werewolves had just started to discover drugs. Autumn spent a lot of her time in bars and taverns, helping sick werewolves who were suffering or had too much to drink.

She couldn't see the point in alcohol.

She had cried when Quinn came to the Institute, smelling like it. He looked disheveled. Pale. Flustered. Young.

Too young.

She had cried again when Blair asked why her brother was never at the Institute and she wanted to just give him back a book she had taken from his room. It was Blair's fifteenth birthday. Autumn noticed it was the only mildly kind thing that Blair had ever said about Quinn.

Autumn scolded herself for crying. She told herself that she felt too much. That she was too sensitive. But sometimes, it was hard to push away everything inside of her.

It almost felt like drowning.

**~~ooo~~**

It was raining the day Zander had left.

Running away from the Institute, he had packed up his bags and run away. When Quinn tried to stop him, he said that, "I'm not a true Shadowhunter. I just want a normal life. I know you won't agree, but it's what I want."

Zander was right. Quinn didn't agree. Instead, he resorted to anger, his eyes darkening. "But you have Shadowhunter blood. I didn't think you were this cowardly."

"Accepting who I am isn't being a coward." Zander said, his amber eyes flashing. "I want to leave, Quinn. I want to make it easy."

"Easy? _Easy_?" Quinn said incredulously. "So you're going to leave? That's it? Go on, then. Run away like a thief. That's what all faeries do."

"You don't get it!" Zander had yelled at him, surprising himself and Quinn. "You are a Shadowhunter. No one doubts your ability because you have 'pure and clean' blood. I'm a halfbreed. Everyone knows that." He snapped, his hands fists. "Good Raziel. You just don't get it, do you? I'm sick of the name calling. I'm sick of you telling me that being a Shadowhunter is the only way for me to succeed."

"Zander-"

"Can't you see that I just don't fit here?" Zander said angrily, turning away. "Because I have god damned_ faerie_ blood. Leave me alone, Quinn. Just let me go."

"...Fine then." Quinn said after a long moment. He ground his teeth. "Leave."

"I will. Gladly." Zander said, picking up his bags again and shuffling to the door to leave the Institute.

Quinn had gone after him when he realized all the things he had said.

Zander ignored Quinn when he yelled after him, wanting him to come back.

The rain muffled Quinn's calls anyway.

**~~ooo~~**

It had been almost a year since Autumn had tried to help her mend things with Quinn using a book and an apology.

It had hardly worked.

Blair had never hated her brother until he had come back to the Institute drunk.

She disliked him with a passion but almost wished they could get along. It was a fleeting thought every now and then, wondering what it would be like to have a handsome brother who cared for her. She didn't really feel like they were siblings, though. More like competitive acquaintances that could never let their guard down. She never made an effort to change their relations, though.

He had looked like a wolf in the hallway: hungry, almost smug. Turning the corner, Blair had run into him.

"Our parents are going to be mad if they see you like this." Blair remarked snootily, turning her nose up.

"You wouldn't dare tell." Quinn hissed, his voice low in the dark hallway. "And their not 'our' parents. They're my parents."

"I'm glad I'm not your sibling. Not biologically." She said, crossing her arms. "I will tell them."

It was then that he caught her by the arm, holding her tight. "Don't."

"What's stopping me?" Blair said, backing up against the wall. "You won't hurt me. I know you won't."

"No. I won't." He muttered, looking delirious and angry. "But you can't tell them. They'll kill me."

Smirking wider, she tried to pull away from him. "I will. and you'll get in trouble."

"I really wouldn't do that." He said, his face close to hers.

Blair hid her slight fear. His eyes were blazing and his expression was one of anger; he couldn't see what girls saw in him other than his good looks. She watched him, her head lifted. "Really? Then why don't I tell them about your other adventures that you go on at night. I've heard things about you, you know. I've heard that you get around. Do you really think that you could get out of something so _low_?"

Quinn narrowed his eyes. "Maybe I do get around. Who cares? My parents don't own me. Not like they own you."

"No one owns me." She turned her head, not wanting to look at him. His expression was unnerving.

"Really?" He said in a low tone. Blair was suddenly aware of the hand on her waist and the closeness of him against her. It felt oddly intimate. And wrong. Disgusted, she had pushed away quickly and run down the hall. She didn't tell about what he had done, though he had made questionable moves against her; she was far too embarrassed and immature to ever bring up that topic again.

Quinn had apologized later, saying that he didn't know what came over him.

She ignored him.

She was disgusted by him.

**~~ooo~~**

Quinn stayed away from Blair from then on, making it clear that he wanted nothing to do with her.

Autumn had been kind, though.

She had always been kind.

"Mistakes," She said, sitting next to him, "can be fixed."

"Not everything." He sighed.

"You're not a bad person." Autumn encouraged. "You just need-"

"-To make better decisions. I know." Quinn muttered, running a hand through his sandy blonde hair. "But really...I'm not a good Shadowhunter. Or friend. Or brother-"

"She's almost sixteen. She doesn't need you." Autumn said, brutally honest. "Maybe you need a fresh start."

"...Maybe." Quinn said.

He glanced out of the window.

He hated rain.

**~~ooo~~**

The day he left on the plane to go to New York was a happy one. It was the day after his eighteenth birthday and he had gotten a plane ticket with the money he had. He had never been on a plane and didn't know what to expect. Turbulence, maybe. He read about it once on something called 'Wikipedia" when he had searched it up on his new phone. Mundane technology was golden.

He hadn't brought any luggage, as he didn't need weapons, or clothes. He brought a generous amount of money with him to buy new things in New York, like outfits. Mundane clothes were different; he liked them.

The plane was hot and smelled of old whiskey like someone had spilled their drink into the plane floor and scrubbed it out a week later. The smell didn't bother him as much as the people did, but he had promised himself to stay in a good mood. He wouldn't let his first day out of Denmark be a bad one. Arriving in New York in the dark, he didn't have to look twice at the city before feeling like he fit in.

Lights.

Noise.

Girls.

He shook the last thought away as he exited the terminal. He heard that the Institute in New York was close to the airport so he pulled up a map on his phone to the location Autumn told him that it was in. He was confident; smug, almost, as he looked around the street, his black marks curling around his wrists and his green eyes glinting as if to say that he owned the night. He had always been smug when he was alone.

It had only occurred to him that he was lost when he turned onto a street that he 'knew' the Institute had to be on, only to be greeted by an empty alleyway. Common sense hadn't really been his strong suit as he moved down it anyway, his phone in his hands.

"Lost?" Some young, dark haired guy asked him, leaning against the side of a building, smoking a cigarette.

"No. I'm taking a late night walk." Quinn said sarcastically, walking past. "That'll give you lung cancer."

The guy caught his arm, smirking. "Shadowhunter." He said, his eyes shining. He looked sick; crazy even. He dropped his cigarette and the light from the end of it went out, and Quinn could see stars.

By the time he realized that he could hear werewolves rustling around him, he was already frozen, defenseless without a weapon.

He could smell some kind of acrid demon drug on them as one accused him of going onto wolf territory. Quinn spat back a retort and pushed him away when he was grabbed by someone else, a girl this time, who dug her nails into his wrist. She told him to leave but he stood his ground.

As always.

Werewolves weren't the smartest, but he was far outnumbered.

It hadn't even hurt when the first one bit his arm, tearing through his jacket and clamping down on his arm. Quinn was disgusted, not even regarding the fact that his whole life had just been uprooted and transformed with the bite.

He kicked it away, falling back when one other grabbed at him and yanked him backwards. He fell down hard, rolling with the werewolf girl, his hands at her throat. She gagged, clawing at his hands and face. Another wolf was at his throat in the next instant, clamping down on his shoulder and growling.

He could taste blood in his mouth.

And then he gave up.

It felt like drowning.

**~~ooo~~**

The first time he had Changed was the worst time.

He had been out in the Downworlder Towns to go to a bar when he felt faint.

Quinn assumed that he drank too much, as he usually did.

And then there was pain.

White hot pain that seared through him as he fetched up against the wall of a side road, taking shuddering breaths as he waited it out. He waited for some sort of end or relief, but when it didn't come, he slid down the side of the wall, kneeling over as his skin seemed to burn until he backed away to find himself Changed. It didn't register at first, but he couldn't think straight.

He never did.

He only ended up biting one person when he had attempted to run off on all fours, his ears perked and his tail low as he raced in confusion. It had all seemed like a dream when he had woken up.

Except it wasn't.

**~~Present Day: New York~~**

Kissing Jessica languidly as he left her hotel room, Quinn flashed her a smile, pocketing her number in his jacket. He never looked at the dark streets like he owned them, anymore, but as if he were part of a grand scheme of things. Shadowhunters once said that they ruled the darkness, but now he would have almost disagreed. It didn't take him long to accept his new form; in fact, he liked it.

There were lower standards that he didn't even bother to meet and he used his looks like a Shadowhunter used their weapons.

He was used to getting any girl and keeping her for as long as he wanted.

Except the one girl he met at the Institute was different.

She was shy, kind, and quiet; not his type at all. But he liked her, and he liked her a lot. She had pretty blue eyes and a nice smile and he thought they could be friends. Though it took time, he befriended her. Dated her, even.

But he wasn't sure if he liked her like that.

There was another girl: witty, crazy, and... Weird. She was...nice...if a bit extreme. And had pretty brown eyes.

He almost thought that he loved her.

Discarding his thoughts as he walked down the street, Quinn headed back to the Institute. It was almost dawn, but he wasn't tired. Instead, he almost felt guilty. regretful, even, though he hid it well. He had never felt that way after a night with one of the girls in the taverns. He looked up; it had started to rain. It was suffocating.

Like drowning

He was glad when the girl with the pretty brown eyes opened the door for him.

And yet he treated her with slight hostility, fearful of anything that could come out of their...unusual friendship. He shouldered past and to his room where he put in his ear-buds to listen to music, drowning out the knocks on his door. He knew that if he opened the door, he would be greeted with funny jokes, a smile, and a random, insane comment, but he was afraid of leading her on even more.

He turned the volume of his music up until it crashed with his thoughts. The music was loud; loud enough to hurt. It helped him get his mind off of the drowning, claustrophobic sensation that caught him unexpectedly.

He could still hear the rain, though.

He tried to ignore it.

But only when he did let the girl in was he finally allowed to breathe.

**fin.**

**SORRY IF THIS SUCKED. :)**

**I TRIED.**

**And sorry SilverJem5. :( I couldn't find any characters of yours to put in here. Next time, I promise. Next time.**


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